What if you could help individuals improve without offending them or causing resentment?
Too often, we try to help individuals improve but by doing so, we accidentally hurt their pride & ego.
We end up creating resentment rather than encouraging change.
A strong leader must know how to encourage improvement without causing harm.
If a leader fails to do so, growth comes to a halt & the long-term success of the group is threatened
"The best leaders are those who understand how to inspire change without inflicting pain."
Here’s how you can …
Change People Without Giving Offence Or Provoking Resentment
1. Offer praise & gratitude before addressing shortcomings
Always give praise before giving criticism.
It is easier to hear something unpleasant after something pleasant was said.
💡 Remember : like every principle of human relations, it must be sincere & come from the heart.
Otherwise, it becomes flattery, & everyone hates flattery.
Avoid using the word “but” after your compliment.
To the other individual, the praise comes across as a lead-in to the criticism.
Leading them to believe the praise was insincere.
Instead, use the word “and,” for example :
“We’re really proud of you for raising your English grades, and by continuing the same efforts next term, your science grade can be up too.”
Rather than : “We’re really proud of you for raising your English grades but if you had worked harder on science, you’re overall grade would be higher”
Wouldn’t you like to receive the first one over the second one? I certainly would.
Next time you find yourself in a situation where you must point out the fault, do so after sincerely praising the individual on their strengths & avoid using the word “but.”
2. Begin by revealing your own mistakes
By humbly admitting that you too are far from impeccable & make mistakes too, the other individual will be more open to accepting your criticism.
Talking about your mistakes first shows vulnerability on your side. By doing so, it encourages the other individual to be more receptive & open-minded about your feedback.
You allow them to relate to you & you demonstrate your understanding of them.
3. Avoid issuing commands, everyone hates it
Steer clear of giving orders :
“Do this … do that”
“Complete this task by …”
Frame them as choices the other individual can make :
“Do you think that would work?”
“You might consider this”
By giving orders, you make the other individual feel belittled & hurt their pride.
It discourages cooperation.
By giving them the choice to cooperate with you, you empower them & give them control over their own decisions.
The likelihood of them resisting the decision afterwards decreases because they had a hand in making the decision.
They feel that the chosen course of action aligns with their preferences.
4. Allow the other person to preserve their dignity
Our pride means the world to us, it gives us a sense of importance.
By hurting someone’s pride, you hurt their sense of importance (& vice versa).
Even if you are right & the other person is totally wrong, avoid criticising someone in front of others.
You don’t only discourage the other individual from being open to criticism, but you also create resentment.
Encouraging the other person to strike back at you in the future.
“I have no right to say or do anything that diminishes a man in his own eyes. What matters is not what I think of him, but what he thinks of himself. Hurting a man in his dignity is a crime.”
5. How to Propel Individuals Towards Success
When praise is emphasised and criticism minimised, the area that is praised is reinforced and the area that isn’t will evaporate due to the lack of attention.
Again, the praise must be sincere.
I can’t stress this enough, everything you do when dealing with individuals must be sincere.
You can also propel individuals towards success by giving them a good reputation to live up to.
People don’t want to disappoint others or fall short of their image.
Once they know someone else believes in them, they are more likely to believe it themselves.
Ultimately, reinforcing the positive reputation.
6. Make people want to do it
When trying to change the attitudes or behaviour of individuals, you should keep in mind these points :
Forget about how it benefits you and focus on how it benefits the other person.
Know exactly what it is you want the other person to do.
Ask yourself what is it the other person wants.
Match the benefits to the other person’s wants.
In Short …
Offer praise & gratitude before addressing shortcomings
Begin by revealing your own mistakes
Avoid issuing commands, everyone hates it
Allow the other person to preserve their dignity
How to Propel Individuals Towards Success
Make people want to do it
Thanks for reading.
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Royce Sun